Every now and then, people get into situations which call for
some serious action. But, do you know what’s the worst case
scenario? Making up escape plans to avoid sex! These people
here had some hilarious excuses to get out of sex.
Here are some hilarious excuses people gave to avoid
1. The FRIED CHICKEN EXCUSE!
A couple once tried to have a threesome with me. They kept
trying to touch me and massage me, and my awkward, idiotic
attempt at diffusing the situation was to complain incessantly
about how hungry I was and could we please go find some fried
chicken. Finally, I had to explicitly tell them I wasn’t
2. Well, this one’s a gentleman. But the was such a
genius way to avoid sex.
Back in college, I was a designated driver for a group of
friends. We get to a party and my sober ass is bored. Then a
very very drunk woman I knew from one of my classes started
hitting on me, culminating with her telling me she’d fuck my
brains out. Sober me thought this wasn’t kosher since she was
hammered so I turned around for a moment and yanked a few hairs
out of my nose. It made my eyes water and my nose run and I
said “I have a brutal cold you don’t want to catch. Why don’t
you let me get better and then I’ll take you out.”
3. Well mate, that’s a forgotten tampon I tell
Went with this girl to some seedy love hotel (I’m
Brazilian). She wants me to go down on her. Well, why the fuck
not? Thing is, there’s a strange smell coming from down there.
And it’s far from that normal, girly (and pleasing) smell. No,
it’s not menstruation, it’s not poop, it isn’t anything caused
by lack of hygiene either. It’s not even a yeast infection (I
know these smells, trust me). It’s something akin
to carrion like there’s some necrotic tissue inside her
parts. When I took her panties off I almost gagged.
So I did what any manly man would do — I immediately
excused myself to the bathroom and escaped through the
4. Now speaking of hilarious excuses. You surely had a
I was on Facebook chatting with my Mother’s best
friend. She’s a very attractive lady, but 30 years older
than I am. In a moment of weakness, I decided, I’m going to hit
this. I give her my address, and she starts driving over. In a
moment of clarity, I realized what was about to happen and
started freaking out. I called my Mother shortly before her
friend arrived and told her I was homesick. That I missed her
cooking. I asked if she could please come over and cook with
me. Her friend then arrives and immediately strips down
naked before the door even shuts. She starts straddling me and
my phone rings. I pick it up, put it on speaker, and it’s my
Mother saying she’s about 5 minutes away. Her friend had the
deer in the headlights look, put her clothes back on, and
5. Ew, that’s just gross!
I just say that I have diarrhea.
Nobody wants to have sex with someone who has
6. Umm, okay.
The sex with my ex-girlfriend was so terrible (she’d lay
there like a dead fish, basically) that when we would go out to
bars, I’d purposely give myself whiskey dick.
7. Whoa! One of the best hilarious excuses to avoid
I once picked up a girl in a bar and brought her home. Soon
after she arrived, I realized she was psycho-crazy.
Then she came back into the living room and started neatly
removing and folding her clothes, all the while talking about
how pissed off she was at her boyfriend. This was obviously
some kind of “revenge sex”.
I’m getting more and more weirded out by this girl and
don’t want to have anything to do with her, but what can I
I then realize, I had two phone lines in the house (this
was before cell phones were popular) and one phone was
alongside the couch on the floor so I sat down, leaned my arm
over the side and dialed the other phone where she couldn’t
see, then when the phone rang I picked it up…
“Hello? Yes. What? Are you sure? Right now? Ok, yes, I’m on
And without even looking at her I went into my bedroom,
grabbed a handgun, slid a clip into it and chambered around and
placed the gun inside my waistband and said, “You’re going to
have to leave, I’ve got something to take care of.”
I fell behind a dryer.
9. LOL! This one’s good.
Called her the wrong name in between her kissing me. Bad
breath is a turn-off. “Oh. I thought you were a Sarah.”
10. Indiana Jones.
my friend was very drunk in college and went home with a
very unattractive girl. we had tried to stop him, but he didn’t
listen. shortly after arriving at her home, he said he regained
clarity and realized he needed to escape. she left the room for
a moment to brush her teeth or some such task, and he jumped
out her second story window. he forgot his hat, though, and had
to climb back in said window. then he jumped back out. it was a
small school. we saw her on campus often.
I got undressed with the lights still on. that usually does
12. That is just the opposite of hilarious excuses you
could use to avoid sex!
Girl, I was dating in college wanted me to come over to her
apartment. Told her I couldn’t because I was busy watching the
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Movie with my roommates (which I